Let’s talk about loss and grief – the elephant in the room
We tend to avoid talking about loss and grief. Let’s face it, we often try to avoid even thinking about it as it can bring up uncomfortable feelings about our own experiences of loss in life.
Most people who have experienced a significant loss can feel overwhelmed by intense feelings. They may feel anxious, depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, withdrawn or numb. Their sleep and appetite may be disturbed, and they may be troubled by intrusive thoughts and images.
Sounds like a lot to deal with, doesn’t it?
Now, imagine that you can’t share how you are feeling with anyone else because it makes other people feel uncomfortable. No wonder going through loss and grief can feel like you’ve been left alone in a room with an elephant!
If you know someone who has experienced a significant loss – the death of a loved one, a relationship, their health or the health of someone they are close to, a home, a job, a pet, their independence… here’s how you might help:
Acknowledge the loss and stay in touch.
It’s normal to worry that you may say the wrong thing, but avoiding contact can make feelings of sadness and isolation much worse for the person experiencing loss. Let them know that you are there to talk and listen and don’t be afraid to share stories and memories if appropriate.
Think about the best way for you to stay in touch with them and how often they would like you to do so. Ask them if you are unsure.
By way of example, a close friend of mine recently experienced a bereavement and, whilst it was important for them to know that they were in my daily thoughts and that I was there for them whenever needed, I was conscious that they were feeling overwhelmed by the amount of contact they had from family and friends as they felt obligated to respond.
We agreed that each morning, I would send a simple text – just ‘x’. They knew that they were on my mind each day and that I was ready and willing if they needed anything more, but that I had no expectations from them. This worked for us and provided the level of support that my friend needed at the time.
Find out what works for the person you are wanting to support and commit to doing it; but be aware that needs can change over time so check in to make sure that what you are offering remains ‘fit for purpose’. If you are the one struggling to adapt to life after loss – remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. That said, if you feel stuck and would benefit from support, get in touch. My aim is to help you explore and make sense of what is going on for you, to put it into words, and for us to look for answers and strategies that work for you, so that you no longer feel alone with your loss and grief.